most straight actors: my character transcends sexuality, I’ve never considered their sexuality until this moment because i consider straight the default yes call me a gay icon
mark hamill and oscar isaac: my character could’ve had a boyfriend if the execs hadn’t been little BITCHES about it
I was presenting an assembly for kids grades 3-8 while on book tour for the third PRINCESS ACADEMY book.
Me: “So many teachers have told me the same thing. They say, ‘When I told my students we were reading a book called PRINCESS ACADEMY, the girls said—’”
I gesture to the kids and wait. They anticipate what I’m expecting, and in unison, the girls scream, “YAY!”
Me: “'And the boys said—”
I gesture and wait. The boys know just what to do. They always do, no matter their age or the state they live in.
In unison, the boys shout, “BOOOOO!”
Me: “And then the teachers tell me that after reading the book, the boys like it as much or sometimes even more than the girls do.”
Audible gasp. They weren’t expecting that.
Me: “So it’s not the story itself boys don’t like, it’s what?” The kids shout, “The name! The title!”
Me: “And why don’t they like the title?”
As usual, kids call out, “Princess!”
But this time, a smallish 3rd grade boy on the first row, who I find out later is named Logan, shouts at me, “Because it’s GIRLY!”
The way Logan said “girly"…so much hatred from someone so small. So much distain. This is my 200-300th assembly, I’ve asked these same questions dozens of times with the same answers, but the way he says “girly” literally makes me take a step back. I am briefly speechless, chilled by his hostility.
Then I pull it together and continue as I usually do.
“Boys, I have to ask you a question. Why are you so afraid of princesses? Did a princess steal your dog? Did a princess kidnap your parents? Does a princess live under your bed and sneak out at night to try to suck your eyeballs out of your skull?”
The kids laugh and shout “No!” and laugh some more. We talk about how girls get to read any book they want but some people try to tell boys that they can only read half the books. I say that this isn’t fair. I can see that they’re thinking about it in their own way.
But little Logan is skeptical. He’s sure he knows why boys won’t read a book about a princess. Because a princess is a girl—a girl to the extreme. And girls are bad. Shameful. A boy should be embarrassed to read a book about a girl. To care about a girl. To empathize with a girl.
Where did Logan learn that? What does believing that do to him? And how will that belief affect all the girls and women he will deal with for the rest of his life?
At the end of my presentation, I read aloud the first few chapters of THE PRINCESS IN BLACK. After, Logan was the only boy who stayed behind while I signed books. He didn’t have a book for me to sign, he had a question, but he didn’t want to ask me in front of others. He waited till everyone but a couple of adults had left. Then, trembling with nervousness, he whispered in my ear, “Do you have a copy of that black princess book?”
He wanted to know what happened next in her story. But he was ashamed to want to know.
Who did this to him? How will this affect how he feels about himself? How will this affect how he treats fellow humans his entire life?
We already know that misogyny is toxic and damaging to women and girls, but often we assume it doesn’t harm boys or mens a lick. We think we’re asking them to go against their best interest in the name of fairness or love. But that hatred, that animosity, that fear in little Logan, that isn’t in his best interest. The oppressor is always damaged by believing and treating others as less than fully human. Always. Nobody wins. Everybody loses.
We humans have a peculiar tendency to assume either/or scenarios despite all logic. Obviously it’s NOT “either men matter OR women do.” It’s NOT “we can give boys books about boys OR books about girls.” It’s NOT “men are important to this industry OR women are.“
It’s not either/or. It’s AND.
We can celebrate boys AND girls. We can read about boys AND girls. We can listen to women AND men. We can honor and respect women AND men. And And And. I know this seems obvious and simplistic, but how often have you assumed that a boy reader would only read a book about boys? I have. Have you preselected books for a boy and only offered him books about boys? I’ve done that in the past. And if not, I’ve caught myself and others kind of apologizing about it. “I think you’ll enjoy this book EVEN THOUGH it’s about a girl!” They hear that even though. They know what we mean. And they absorb it as truth.
I met little Logan at the same assembly where I noticed that all the 7th and 8th graders were girls. Later, a teacher told me that the administration only invited the middle school girls to my assembly. Because I’m a woman. I asked, and when they’d had a male author, all the kids were invited. Again reinforcing the falsehood that what men say is universally important but what women say only applies to girls.
One 8th grade boy was a big fan of one of my books and had wanted to come, so the teacher had gotten special permission for him to attend, but by then he was too embarrassed. Ashamed to want to hear a woman speak. Ashamed to care about the thoughts of a girl.
A few days later, I tweeted about how the school didn’t invite the middle school boys. And to my surprise, twitter responded. Twitter was outraged. I was blown away. I’ve been talking about these issues for over a decade, and to be honest, after a while you feel like no one cares.
But for whatever reason, this time people were ready. I wrote a post explaining what happened, and tens of thousands of people read it. National media outlets interviewed me. People who hadn’t thought about gendered reading before were talking, comparing notes, questioning what had seemed normal. Finally, finally, finally.
And that’s the other thing that stood out to me about Logan—he was so ready to change. Eager for it. So open that he’d started the hour expressing disgust at all things “girly” and ended it by whispering an anxious hope to be a part of that story after all.
The girls are ready. Boy howdy, we’ve been ready for a painful long time. But the boys, they’re ready too. Are you?
I’ve spoken with many groups about gendered reading in the last few years. Here are some things that I hear:
A librarian, introducing me before my presentation: “Girls, you’re in for a real treat. You’re going to love Shannon Hale’s books. Boys, I expect you to behave anyway.”
A book festival committee member: “Last week we met to choose a keynote speaker for next year. I suggested you, but another member said, ‘What about the boys?’ so we chose a male author instead.”
A parent: “My son read your book and he ACTUALLY liked it!”
A teacher: “I never noticed before, but for read aloud I tend to choose books about boys because I assume those are the only books the boys will like.”
A mom: “My son asked me to read him The Princess in Black, and I said, ‘No, that’s for your sister,’ without even thinking about it.”
A bookseller: “I’ve stopped asking people if they’re shopping for a boy or a girl and instead asking them what kind of story the child likes.”
Like the bookseller, when I do signings, I frequently ask each kid, “What kind of books do you like?” I hear what you’d expect: funny books, adventure stories, fantasy, graphic novels. I’ve never, ever, EVER had a kid say, “I only like books about boys.” Adults are the ones with the weird bias. We’re the ones with the hangups, because we were raised to believe thinking that way is normal. And we pass it along to the kids in sometimes overt (“Put that back! That’s a girl book!”) but usually in subtle ways we barely notice ourselves.
But we are ready now. We’re ready to notice and to analyze. We’re ready to be thoughtful. We’re ready for change. The girls are ready, the boys are ready, the non-binary kids are ready. The parents, librarians, booksellers, authors, readers are ready. Time’s up. Let’s make a change.
“One time my Nanny and the Gardener were having a heated argument in the car and he took her Queen tape out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and she looked him dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same tape and put it back in the player.”
Warlock becomes a stand up comedian when he grows up. He becomes the John Mulaney of his time. This is his equivalent of “one black coffee”.
I can totally envision Warlock’s version of the duck story!
One day when I was ten, the gardener comes into the house soaking wet and says, in that voice one usually reserves for toddlers or small animals, “Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!” And then Nanny yelled, “Ooh, ducklings!” To which the gardener replied, “Too old to be a duckling. Quack, quack.” And then walked into the kitchen. I think about that every goddamn day.
I can’t believe I never saw this until now. Headcanon accepted. This is beyond hilarious. Also….
I can’t believe this one was hidden in the replies.
“I love my family, or at the very least people would assume
so. People would think that growing up as a politician’s son would be easy, and
they are right. I got everything that I ever asked for, spending money the only
way Rick People could spend money.
“Dad! I want a Pony” Boom, Pony is at my feet
“Dad! I wanted it black” Boom. Done. Pony now looks like it
crawled out of the Black Lagoon.
“Dad! The Pony glared at me!” I get a bottle of glue the
next day. I was living the Rickie Rich lifestyle. I can have anything I want.
But the best part of growing up rich, the absolute best
part, was that we were able to afford our own nanny.
I love her so much but am goddamn terrified of her to this
day. I am a 28 year old man and I live in my own bodyweight of fear towards
her.
When I was 1 to when I was 11, we had a nanny in our house.
Her name is Nanny. If you call her anything else you will die. Somedays I think
that my parents made a Rumpelstiltskin Deal with her before I was born, where
instead of taking baby me she just moved in to our house to raid our fridge and
judge the world from lofty windows. This is just the first part of the mystery
of my nanny.
She dresses like she is preparing to go to a funeral. And
the difference between preparing to go and actually going is that they hadn’t
found the body yet. You know when friends say that they would kill someone for you?
Nanny would gut a cat if I wanted to play the violin that’s how hardcore she
was. She wore red sunglasses because her glare alone could turn anyone to
stone. If you squint hard enough you can actually see lasers coming out of her
eyes.
Now you need to remember, I lived with this woman for Ten
Years. Since I was a baby. This shit was normalized to me. While my parents
were in West Wing I was living in the Addams Family. Nanny loved me and raised
me and so what if she told me that I was going to lead Satan’s Army someday.
That’s just Nanny. But throughout all of this, I never truly understand how
terrifying she could be until I was 8 years old.
Picture this: a little 8 year old me, plump and trimmed with
baby fat, standing next to Mary Poppin’s evil twin. One day we were going out
for brunch so I can, and I’m quoting here “practice giving out orders when the
army of hell arrives”
I’m still waiting for them, just to let you know.
So we get inside Nanny’s car, an old Black 1933 Bently which
plays nothing but Queen music on cassettes.
I know this sounds fake, but she is a real person and not
some Baba Yaga who decided not to eat me.
As we were about to leave, Brother Francis ran out to us.
Francis was out gardener. He worked for us for as long as Nanny has, wears
suspenders and a sun hat, and I’m pretty sure he ran away from a monastery. He
walks up to Nanny and asks for a ride to the local gardening store for
supplies. So he gets in the front seat, I’m in the back, and all three of us
get on our way.
At 1000 miles per hour in a 55 zone.
Now I’m 8 years old. And no matter how cool your Nanny is,
you just don’t pay attention to boring adult stuff like meetings, or finances,
or traffic safety laws. So I’m lost in my own thoughts on how to direct my hell
army to build myself a waterpark.
I don’t know how long I zoned out because when I snapped
back in Nanny and Francis were arguing. Not in the pleasant passive aggressive
way that makes you rethink your life choices, but full on yelling. So we are
speeding down the road like death is chasing us. Bohemian Rhapsody is playing
on blast. Nanny and Francis screaming at each other. Sulfur filled the air, radiant
light pulsed menacing around us. Exactly how I imagined what parents fighting
would be like. Things came to a head right as Freddy was about to hit his last “For
Me!” because that was when this meek looking gardener snapped. Francis turns to
Nanny and screams “YOU’RE DRIVING TOO FAST!”
yanks the cassette out and pitches it out the window.
And then time stood still.
Have you ever been on a rollercoaster where at the top of
the first hill staring down you regret every decision you’ve ever made that led
you to this point? That was where we were all at.
Because there were three rules to Nanny’s Bently. Nanny
always drives. Nanny always drives fast. And Nanny always drives fast with
Freddy Mercury blaring down like her own personal angel.
This is all new uncharted territory for me. I’ve never seen
anyone even dare disrespect her angel and plan to live to tell the tale. I was
just watching in fascinated horror as this moment just searing into my mind.
Nanny’s looking directly at Francis, you can feel her eye’s
heat laser’s charging up. I was trying to think of reasons to tell my parents
why we don’t have a gardener anymore. Because even at 8 years old I know a
death marker when I’ve seen one and by the end of the trip I was expecting
Francis to be nothing but a smoldering piled of ash and a $15 hat.
She looks at him, and takes one hand off the wheel. Still
barreling down the road like a madman mind you. But it alright because time’s
frozen so we don’t hit anything. And with one hand, she reaches in front of him
to the glove compartment, gently pulls out another cassette tape, and places it
in the deck.
[pauses]
[sings] “FOR ME!!!!!”
We pull into the parking lot by the time Bohemian Rhapsody
ends and I have never looked at Nanny the same way ever again. Because anyone
who can play the exact same song on two different cassettes without missing a
beat is their own god and needs to be feared.”
-Warlock in his comedy special
OH MY GOD I’M CACKLING
That’s it. The “Warlock grows up to be John Mulaney” AU is the only AU I’m here for.
I just had to explain what I was cackling at to my roommate. It automatically passes the Laugh Rule.
She found her reluctant fiance, Erstad, brooding out on the rainy moors.
“Is that a baby rabbit?” she asked, observing his huddled form.
“IT’S SIX BABY RABBITS AND YOU CAN’T TOUCH THEM,” replied Ernstad, contriving to look twice his usual size and at least three times his usual fierceness.
Dealing with
executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to
do things the way you feel like you should
be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that
actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary”
they seem.
For
years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got
mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more
work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it
later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later).
Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as
soon as I take them off and put them away straight
out of the dryer, but
realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.
How
many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct
answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three.
Because am I really going to
get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In
allergy season I even have
an empty kleenex box for “used
tissues I can use again.”
Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a
snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my
desk.
I
used to be late all the time
because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3
minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse,
my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem
solved.
I’m
like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a
physical barrier in front of my door. A
sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high
cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.
Executive dysfunction is always going to cause challenges, but often half the struggle is trying to cope by pretending not to have executive dysfunction, instead of finding actual solutions.
i left cabinet doors open all my life and couldn’t make myself stop leaving them open until i figured out my subconscious just wants to know where everything is at a glance. i put labels on each cabinet door for what was behind the cabinet and after that i was a lot better at closing them.
showers are hard for me because they involve a lot of steps to get in and out. buying cleaning hand wipes helps me stay a lot cleaner and happier when i’m too tired or distracted to make myself be a normal person– they’re faster and involve way less prep time, decision making, and unpleasant physical sensations.
i have disordered eating because, again, getting food is complicated, much less cooking anything. buying 10-12$ of cliff bars at a go and keeping them in my room by my bed gives me a headstart on breakfast and lets me take my meds on time. otherwise i would lie in bed, not taking my meds because i had to eat, and not eating because i was too tired and nauseous from being hungry to get out of bed.
‘just try harder’ is not a solution. figuring out the actual problem and addressing it is the solution.
’normal’ isn’t the goal. you can’t be normal. it’s too late, but you know what, fuck normal. trying to be normal is going to kill you. ‘functional’ is the goal, and you can be functional. you can kick ass at functional. and that’s a lot better.
When I talk about how there is no universal system for Keeping Your Shit Together, and how it’s more important to find a system that works for you, this is exactly the kind of thing I mean.
My keys hang on the door so I literally can’t leave my apartment without touching them. My socks kept getting everywhere when I kept them with my other clothes, so instead I now keep them in a little hutch in the kitchen, where I keep all my shoes. All my silverware is in jars on my kitchen island so I can see clearly when I am out of forks. When I didn’t want to put on my socks to go running, I bought running shoes that didn’t require socks. There are people who would find all of the above unworkable and/or appalling but they don’t have to live my life and I do.
Find what works for you and work it. Doesn’t matter if it’s weird or unusual or not as healthy as some weird ideal which is probably just a marketing tool anyway. If it works, work it.
’normal’ isn’t the goal. you can’t be normal. it’s too late, but you know what, fuck normal. trying to be normal is going to kill you. ‘functional’ is the goal, and you can be functional. you can kick ass at functional. and that’s a lot better.
Reblogging for this bit. It’s okay to be functional.
Me, on first visit: I need to fix this!
Therapist: let’s get you functional, and we’ll talk.
Funny how much getting functional fixed, and little the rest mattered.
Now that JK has proven herself to be the jk we always knew she was, here is a list of incredible fiction by trans authors, because the best way to tell JK to shove her bigotry where the sun don’t shine is to buy the work of authors who deserve her platform.
The Tensorate Series - JY Yang: four fantasy novellas about the guild of Tensors, magic users who can control elemental forces known as the Slack. V political, v beautifully written. Gender is a key theme but also there are dragons (naga), so there’s something for everyone tbh.
Love Beyond Body, Space And Time - anthology: a collection of indigenous sci-fi / spec fic stories with LGBTQ and two-spirit characters and themes. Stories include narratives of transition, love stories, and just good ol’ space romps.
The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror - Daniel M. Lavery: a collection of fairytale retellings with a spooky and disturbing twist. Some of these are darkly comic, and others are just plain dark. All are beautifully written, because Lavery is just That Writer.
The Spirits Series - Jordan L Hawk: a very spicy paranormal romance trilogy about Henry Strauss, an inventor, and Vincent Night, a psychic, whose differing approaches to communing with the dead cause (I’m so sorry) friction. These ones ain’t for the kiddies, but they’re so good and spooky.
The Mechanical Universe - EE Ottoman: a romance series (w a trans male protag!) set in a sort of steampunk universe, where spellcraft and mechanical animation are vying for equal respect. Tbh, everything by EE Ottoman is Very Good And Trans - The Doctor’s Discretion is my personal fave. Recommend 100%.
Peter Darling - Austin Chant: a trans retelling of Peter Pan, where Peter returns to Neverland to find that his place there is now much less certain than it was before, and he no longer belongs anywhere. There is also a romance with Captain Hook, but it works! I promise!
The Danielle Cain series - Margaret Killjoy: a duology of novellas following Danielle Cain, a queer punk rock nomad, as she solves spooky mysteries. The first book is set in an anarchist settlement, and the theme of found family + community is prevalent throughout.
An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon: on board the spaceship HSS Matilda, the last of humanity make their journey towards the Promised Land. Conditions on board are akin to the Antebellum South, and protagonist Aster is driven to find her way off the ship - if she can.
I Wish You All the Best - Mason Deaver: a non binary teen, Ben, comes out to their parents and is kicked out. Their sister takes them in and they start a new school, where their life begins to change for the better. This one is v sweet and deals well with mental illness.
Resilience - anthology: a collection of poetry and prose by trans women and amab trans people, featuring work by Casey Plett, KOKUMO, Magpie Leibowitz and many more.
Small Beauty - jia qing wilson-yang: a mixed race Chinese trans woman returns to her small town Canada home after the death of her cousin, and she deals with her trauma and grief. Beautiful and sad, and absolutely honest about grief.
Little Fish - Casey Plett: a trans woman begins to believe that her late Mennonite grandfather may have been trans, and while her own life starts to cave in, she attempts to connect with him through those who knew him. This one is A Lot but it’s phenomenal.
A Boy Called Cin - Cecil Wilde: a romance novel (so it’s SPICY) about Cin, a young trans man, and Tom, an older genderqueer billionaire. This is not your typical billionaire romance AT ALL; healthy relationships are depicted beautifully here alongside the reality of transition.
Confessions of the Fox - Jordy Rosenberg: a retelling of Jack Sheppard, the famous jailbreaker and thief. It’s told as though a trans man has discovered a manuscript about Jack (who is trans) and Jack’s story unfolds alongside the personal narrative of the manuscript discoverer.
Nameless Woman - anthology: a collection of fiction by trans women of colour. There’s something for everyone here - romance, sci fi, personal narratives and more. A lot of the topics covered are very heavy but they’re treated honestly and sensitively.
Maiden, Mother, Crone - anthology: a collection of fantasy stories about trans women and femmes. You want a story about a dread trans chthonic goddess? Of course you do. It’s right here. Enjoy.
Caroline’s Heart - Austin Chant: a romance between a trans man (a COWBOY nonetheless) and a trans woman (a WITCH). Cecily has been trying to bring her lover, Caroline, back from the dead via magic, but when Roy gives his life to save her, she has a choice to make.
The Queen of Cups - Ren Basel: a novelette about Theo, who’s about to set sail on their first voyage. As per their village’s custom, they ask the Oracle to bless their voyage, and she agrees - if she can come along. A great treatise on bravery, loyalty and independence.
Amateur - Thomas Page McBee: not fiction, but OH WELL!! You gotta read it!! The autobiography of a trans man who learns to box and asks questions about what kind of man he wants to be; can he avoid repeating the toxic masculinity he fears?
Trans Power - Juno Roche: also not fiction! Oops! Take me to court!! Roche interviews multiple trans people about their relationships with their transness, their sexuality and their bodies, and the result is a super empowering and beautiful book.
The Shape of My Name - Nino Cipri: a novelette about time travel. I really can’t say much about this one because it’s better to go in without knowing a lot, but the main theme is self discovery and acceptance, especially within the context of a neglectful / abusive family.
Pet - Akwaeke Emezi: the children in the city of Lucille know that there are no more monsters. They’ve been told so. So when Jam meets Pet, who definitely seems to be a monster, she has to face the problem of saving the world from something that it refuses to admit exists.
There are obviously many more trans fiction authors out there, but these are the ones I’ve read and can call to mind immediately. On my to read list are Juno Dawson (who writes YA primarily), Kai Cheng Thom (whose story in Maiden, Mother, Crone was my favourite), Meredith Russo (also writes YA), Leslie Feinberg, and Sybil Lamb.
I haven’t included trans poets here because I feel like that’s a separate list in and of itself, but if anyone wants to add any, please feel free!
Hi do you have like a list of books by trans people you’d recommend? It’s so hard to find books involving trans characters, especially when it comes to erotica, that aren’t filled with a bunch of transphobia and gross language and slurs. Thanks in advance 💖💕
I actually do not I’m afraid, at least not of the top of my head. I think @teashoesandhair may have posted one recently? But I may be mistaken on that though.
And I’m aware of how gross a lot of the romance/erotica section is for trans stories, at least on Amazon. It makes me super sad every time I look at it :(
Which is why I keep urging my trans friends to finish their stories cause good, wholesome and non-transphobic romance/erotica is desperately needed.
Also just throwing this out there, if you’re trans and you are writing a romance/erotica story and you don’t know what to do with it or how to proceed or how to find an editor, I’ll help you. I’m not taking open submissions for editing anymore cause my own writing is taking priority, but I will do what I can to help, and if I’m not able to, point you in the direction of trans-friendly editors. I know when I was taking part in the anthology with @roselarkpublishing they were desperate for more LGBT rep, especially from trans authors, but unfortunately, no one replied :(
Edit: Also, if you have work out there, reblog or reply in the comments! I’ll boost as much as I can!
